Hater Rant

Tell me how you really feel.

(dont) whistle while you work

with 3 comments

seriously. stop it.

i dont get why people think its alright to whistle all the goddamn time.  most of these people are poor whistlers and slightly tone deaf.  i feel like its the equivalent to singing nonstop.  which is annoying.  which is why no one but crazy people walk around singing to themselves all day.  heres a list of reasons why whistling is the worst:

  1. birds whistle and wake me up in the morning.  excuse me asshole birds, i was sleeping.  i set an alarm, but thanks for getting me that 3 hour head start.
  2. my aforementioned issue with the length of time a person might choose to whistle is always insanely long.  no one whistles for 3-5 minutes.  its an all day affair.
  3. i particularly hate when people whistle at night. am i the only person that finds it to be super creepy?  i feel like im one step away from entering the “singin’ in the rain” scene in clockwork orange.  the last thing i need when im walking home by myself late at night is some psycho who is cheerfully whistling to themselves… creepy weird psycho whistler.
  4. guys think this an appropriate way to get a woman’s attention. its not.  please stop. its rude and doesn’t show me anything about you except that you can’t take the time to say “hello” to address me.  i doubt anyone has made a mental list of attributes they want in their future mate with “killer whistling skills” on there, so how does this benefit you in any way? i guess it does help us ladies figure out that you’re a rude piece of shit from jump street.  actually, keep doing that.  it’s an effective time saver.
  5. once again, as stated before, very few people are good whistlers.  in fact, most people are totally terrible at it, but that doesnt stop them from inundating my ears with their awful, tuneless high pitched awfulness. actually, this can be very easily broken down with the following:

people i want to hear whistle:

  • bobby mcferrin (he’s right, i shouldn’t worry AND i should be happy.  so much wisdom behind his whistle)

people i dont want to hear whistle:

  • everyone else

im sure there are more reasons why i hate whistling, but the construction dude thats replacing my shower right now wont stop whistling and i cant think straight because im so enraged.  i have to focus on not punching him in his pursed lips.

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Written by big gulp o haterade

May 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

3 Responses

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  1. YES. I’ve read that the mate thing is true, men UNCONSCIOUSLY whistle to attract women. They don’t even know why they are doing it! Makes it even creepier.

    Also allowed to whistle- Axl Rose. He should actually only whistle, and never speak because he’s an asshat.

    loverhate

    May 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    • love it, loverhate!

      big gulp o haterade

      May 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

      • Whistlers drive me nuts because 99% of them all react this way when I ask them to kindly stop whistling:
        First, they get a look of surprise in their eyes: “What? He asked me to stop whistling? Why? Whistling’s such a wonderful thing!”
        Then, they get a look of sadness and horror: “How could he ask me to stop doing something so beautiful and lovely? Something must be wrong with him.”
        Lastly, they get a look of defiance: “He asked ME to stop whistling? What a jerk! I love whistling and I don’t care what he says!”

        Then they’ll asked the dreaded, “Why?” As if their piercing shriek isn’t reason enough. I then have to explain to them that I don’t like whistling, which of course makes me sound like the Grinch and Hitler rolled into one. Then they’ll either act insulted, as if I told their mother to drown in a ditch, or simply reply that whistling is a lovely tune and that I should enjoy it. Yeah, because I obviously enjoy having my eardrums ripped to shreds.

        Adam

        April 30, 2013 at 1:15 pm


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