Hater Rant

Tell me how you really feel.

Archive for June 2011

excuse me. you have a bit of gay on your face.

leave a comment »

i noticed that lately there are a lot of guys, namely famous actors, out there really sending my gaydar for a loop.  i thought i had a pretty good grasp on where a person ranked on the kinsey scale, but not with the influx of gay face.

gay face can best be described as a collection of features on a gentleman’s face that lead one to believe he likes other gentlemen.  these features are generally more feminine than the average male, or perhaps just better groomed.  after the decline of metrosexualism i was certain gay face would dissipate and men would make their rugged return to looking like, well, men.  but looking at photos of our nation’s heart throbs has me suspecting that america’s teenage and 20-something girls are a bunch of beards in the making.

this isn’t about actors that are rumored to be gay.  its about some of these dudes having the most apparent gay face on the planet and no one has bothered to say anything to them.  i expect my good friends to tell me when i have something stuck in my teeth, a stray eyelash, or a healthy dose of gay face.  “hey buddy, you have a boogie hanging out of your right nostril.”  and the problem is solved!  all of these things are fixable with some slight tweaking.

MY blush is called orgasm flush lolZ xoxo 🙂 😛 rofl!!!!!!

omg! i use bare escentuals too!

maybe a bit less rouge and foundation.
i know you get lots of make up caked on you to be whatever supernatural being has the girls all hot and bothered this week, but its not helping your gay face now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

or perhaps you could stop with the shirley temple poses. you’re a grown ass man.  get your thumb out of your mouth and pose for your head shots like an adult.

 

pucker up pretty lady!

 

 

 

a bit less gloss on those DSLs may help. i’m pretty sure this doesn’t really require any further explanation.

 

 

 

 

 

ultimately, the severe cases of gay face are making it confusing for all the single ladies.  im not alone in this. heres a great article from scientific american to illustrate my point: http://tinyurl.com/queerface. so gentlemen, grow a beard and get some callouses while cutting down a tree.  work hard and earn some wrinkles.  all i want from my leading men is for them to man up.

Written by big gulp o haterade

June 17, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

%d bloggers like this: