Hater Rant

Tell me how you really feel.

The Big Pink Cupcake in the Room

with 2 comments

There’s a big pink elephant cupcake in the room, and it’s not a pink elephant standing in the middle of a room. That would be ridiculous. It’s the repetitive quirkiness that movies are selling, whether it’s via love, career, self-worth, or mind-fucking. It’s cupcakes.

Why does the doughy-eyed emaciated heroine always have a dream of making cupcakes? Why is there always a scene of her in a vintage french-looking ruffled mix-match floral half-apron finding the answers in the dough? Why does a beautiful, delicate cupcake symbolize a turning point for so many leading ladies?

Kristen Wiig turns to cupcakes to find herself in Bridesmaids, and then obviously throws them up off camera. Keri Russell’s pies are the only thing she likes about herself in Waitress. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a free-spirted baker vixen hippie in Stranger than Fiction that only someone as insane as Will Ferrell could be attracted to. Juliet Binoche turns to chocolate in the aptly named Chocolat to seduce pirate Johnny Depp, since her being French wasn’t good enough. They did it with Pies on Pushing Daisies. Even good ole Mildred Pierce started with pies and ended with pies.

And it’s not just cupcakes.

Sarah Michelle woes a boring Aaron Eckhart magically in Simply Irresistible, which used the powers of black magic to get green lit. Catherine Zeta-Jones is a bitchy but hot chef in No Reservations. Remember in Fried Green Tomatoes, when Mary Louise Parker was not on a show that is so poorly written it makes smoking weed look bad? And it doesn’t stop.

Now, don’t misunderstand. I love cupcakes. Owning a bakery would be awesome. I’m just sick of the heroines having the same quirky, arty dream. How about owning their own knitting studio? Or hand-made paper business? Or vintage store? Or locally-made craft shop? There are more jobs out there outside of a bakery where indie brides-in-waiting can look disheveled and cute in at the same time.

How about stamping grapes at a winery? Adorable!

How about owning her own screen-printing business? She’ll look so cute with paint dripping down her face!

How about walking puppies? Oh shit, there are already too many movies about that, which brings me to my next Hater Rant: We all know you added a puppy into your movie as a cheap gimmick, and we’re not buying it.

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Written by tracyhater

May 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Posted in Celebrities

Tagged with , ,

2 Responses

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  1. Nice Maggie screengrab!

    Elizabeth

    June 3, 2011 at 10:17 am

  2. Or perhaps the leading lady could develop an interest in taxidermy or amateur mortician work. I would watch that for sure!

    Peter Hamtramck

    June 7, 2011 at 1:52 pm


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