Hater Rant

Tell me how you really feel.

Archive for May 2011

The Big Pink Cupcake in the Room

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There’s a big pink elephant cupcake in the room, and it’s not a pink elephant standing in the middle of a room. That would be ridiculous. It’s the repetitive quirkiness that movies are selling, whether it’s via love, career, self-worth, or mind-fucking. It’s cupcakes.

Why does the doughy-eyed emaciated heroine always have a dream of making cupcakes? Why is there always a scene of her in a vintage french-looking ruffled mix-match floral half-apron finding the answers in the dough? Why does a beautiful, delicate cupcake symbolize a turning point for so many leading ladies?

Kristen Wiig turns to cupcakes to find herself in Bridesmaids, and then obviously throws them up off camera. Keri Russell’s pies are the only thing she likes about herself in Waitress. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a free-spirted baker vixen hippie in Stranger than Fiction that only someone as insane as Will Ferrell could be attracted to. Juliet Binoche turns to chocolate in the aptly named Chocolat to seduce pirate Johnny Depp, since her being French wasn’t good enough. They did it with Pies on Pushing Daisies. Even good ole Mildred Pierce started with pies and ended with pies.

And it’s not just cupcakes.

Sarah Michelle woes a boring Aaron Eckhart magically in Simply Irresistible, which used the powers of black magic to get green lit. Catherine Zeta-Jones is a bitchy but hot chef in No Reservations. Remember in Fried Green Tomatoes, when Mary Louise Parker was not on a show that is so poorly written it makes smoking weed look bad? And it doesn’t stop.

Now, don’t misunderstand. I love cupcakes. Owning a bakery would be awesome. I’m just sick of the heroines having the same quirky, arty dream. How about owning their own knitting studio? Or hand-made paper business? Or vintage store? Or locally-made craft shop? There are more jobs out there outside of a bakery where indie brides-in-waiting can look disheveled and cute in at the same time.

How about stamping grapes at a winery? Adorable!

How about owning her own screen-printing business? She’ll look so cute with paint dripping down her face!

How about walking puppies? Oh shit, there are already too many movies about that, which brings me to my next Hater Rant: We all know you added a puppy into your movie as a cheap gimmick, and we’re not buying it.

Written by tracyhater

May 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Posted in Celebrities

Tagged with , ,

The empty threat of empty calories.

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Let’s start here
food (noun): Material, usually of plant or animal origin, that contains or consists of essential body nutrients, such as carbohydrates, fats, proteins, vitamins, or minerals, and is ingested and assimilated by an organism to produce energy, stimulate growth, and maintain life.

I’m tired of food being demonized. We, as intelligent, media-savvy individuals, spend a lot of time wading through the information surplus and gleaning for ourselves what is relevant and trustworthy and what is not. But when it comes to food a lot of us have a huge blind spot. We mindlessly believe whatever the media tells us. We’ll follow the rules set forth by anyone granola-crunchy enough to seem to know what they’re talking about. We’ll allow fad diets to infiltrate our psyche. If you haven’t heard it before, let me be the first to tell you: food isn’t the enemy.

Today i was reading a food blog that focuses on healthy cooking. This particular writer’s idea of healthy is low-fat, low-calorie and subbing out “bad” ingredients for “good” ones (let me be clear, i do not intrinsically disagree with this angle. i mean, i do subscribe to the blog). This particular post was for blondies made from scratch. What got to me, though, was that at the end of the post there was a disclaimer saying that “there is no nutrition” in the recipe. What? It’s food isn’t it?! The author seems to explain this strange statement away by stating that she used white flour and white sugar.

The human body is complex and resilient.  We live in a society of vast abundance and variety of food. Our bodies need very little to function properly.  As long as you keep putting in fuel when you feel hungry, your body will keep chugging along. This is scientific fact. But our heads are messed up. The food pyramid has made us think that each thing we eat is made up of one nutrient. Meat only has protein. Pasta and bread only have carbs. Vegetables are 100% nutrition. etc. Atkins and food-pyramid-backlash have led to the demonization of carb-heavy foods as fattening and devoid of nutrition. None of these things are true.

Here are some things that are true:

  • 100g of lean beef has more than 4X as much iron as 100g of cooked kale.
  • leaving the skin on a potato does not significantly boost it’s nutritinal value. However, potatoes are a complete source of nutrition. Containing good amounts of several vitamins (especially C), minerals (especially iron and potassium), dietary fiber, and are a source of complete, high quality protein.
  • celery, while low in calories, packs a high nutritional punch on a per-calorie basis.  Celery is a good source of Riboflavin, Vitamin B6, Pantothenic Acid, Calcium, Magnesium and Phosphorus, and a very good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, Folate, Potassium and Manganese.
  • 11% of the calories in bleached white flour come from complete, high quality protein. White flour is also a good source of thiamine, folate, and iron.

i’m not saying you need to abandon your quinoa and wheatgrass. but why be a food extremist? nutritionally inferior does not equal nutritionally void.

don’t hate, fix a plate.

Written by haterrant

May 3, 2011 at 10:03 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Royal Wedding Hate Hate

with 6 comments

I wish I could say that I am amazed at the vitriol that the Royal Wedding this morning has inspired in my peers on the Facebooks.  I cannot feign surprise at the hate from men, who never claimed to be interested in weddings or royals.  Weddings are thought of in our culture as intensely feminine occasions, by women and for women.  While planning our own wedding, Jared was told by a bartender (male) to not even attempt to provide input about the occasion, because women crave control over the entire affair.  Completely untrue, but that is another rant.  The point is that men demonstrate their lack of interest in many events and interests simply because they are thought of as feminine.  I am not denying that men do not have their own individual opinions, only that as a gender they are expected to do masculinity in their public lives.  Today this was exhibited by expressing public disinterest in the Royal Wedding.  My surprise comes from the many women who felt it necessary to publicly voice their disdain for the news coverage of the royal wedding.

It seems like they noted other people, women, to be exact, enjoying the spectacle and the sheer emotional thrill of seeing two people who seem very much in love be joined in marriage in a very public and lavish ceremony.  They then were compelled to make it clear to anyone listening that they were absolutely NOT interested.  This is amusing to me because if I had to make a point of mentioning whenever I am not interested in something I would never have time to talk about things that actually interest me.  I heard the complaint that the news was jammed up with coverage.  What is usually on the news though?  I thought the news sucked already, I didn’t know that coverage of a joyous occasion that made millions feel like there was hope in the world would really be less desirable than stories about armed robberies or tornado victims.  That leads me to my second point, there has been no time in history thus far when it was easier to seek out the exact news desired.  It is called “Google,”  just type in anything other than “royal wedding.”

Why the lady-hatred for this wedding?  I understand being embarrassed by people of the same gender when they act stupid. I am the same gender as the Real Housewives of whatever.  Unlike the real housewives, though, the royal wedding was inspiring to some because witnessing two people who love each other make a commitment is a reminder that love and commitment exist. Seeing two people genuinely smile through their first public kiss as man and wife is heart-melting.  Why is it so popular to exhibit distaste in the emotional?  All I can do is try to draw a parallel with the behavior of males, which leads me to question if these hater-ladies are just trying to horn in on the privilege provided by the rejection of the feminine.  All that is female is consistently devalued and belittled in our culture.  Instead of hopping on the bandwagon with the menfolk to stand up against the feminine, why not stand up against the unfair system that paints anything that women like as less meaningful or fun than man-things?  If you truly dislike exhibiting femininity, don’t be such a hypocrite.  Cut your hair and give away your makeup.  I am not kidding, get some dickies.  I love that look.  There is a whole sector of feminism that rejects femininity, which is fine.  Do it.  Don’t limit yourself to simply raining on my happy wedding parade.

The powers-that-be are discussing a lockout of football right now.  Unlike the royal wedding, football happens ALL THE TIME. I do not feel the need to malign a sport that brings happiness and joy to millions, even though a lockout would cause me to not have to hear people talk for months about something that is completely uninteresting to me.  The difference also is that  in football half the fans are disappointed after every game, for months, every year.  At the royal wedding, everyone won.

Written by loverhate

May 2, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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