thanks for coming! now get the fuck out.
i love the idea of hosting get togethers. i buy a bit of booze, a few snacks and my friends and i are ready to have a lovely, inexpensive evening in… or so it seems.
every time i manage to forget the amount of stress ive taken on in the past when i have people over. the first thing that normally gets me annoyed is the prep work involved for these little snackems im trying to make. first theres the two trips to the grocery store. i always forget something the first time i go to the store. and its always something crucial, like charcoal in order to cook all of the items you have just purchased. once youre home the prep work begins. everything involves an awful lot of chopping and none of it lasts very long. last time i had a small get together i made a mango avocado salsa and some shrimp and veggie skewers. it only took about 40 minutes between chopping, peeling, skewering, etc, but was all finished in about 5 minutes therefore making me feel like i had done all this work and left my guests unsatisfied regardless of my attempt to make something nice.
i then become more aggravated when its time to start up the grill. im a pretty good cook, but not when im working with an open unruly flame that has a mind of its own. you wanted your burger medium rare? well too bad, the weber decided that you wanted it well done and thats that. if you give up your grilling rights then you run the risk of someone overcooking everything (ie burnt to a charbroiled crisp) as opposed to the one or two things you accidentally fuck up.
now everyone has eaten, they are moderately full of food and much too full of beer. the sun has set, you have been hosting for about 8 hours now and have work the next day. no one appears to be picking up your oh so subtle hints such as yawning, shutting your eyes for long intervals, or announcing “oh man, im so tired. i cant wait to go to bed”. so this is where i go from just annoyed to completely bitchy. i want to sleep and all of these jerkfaces are trying to find one more pbr in the cooler. its empty. because very few of you contributed to the fun fund. and now we’ve come to the reason im most agitated by having people at my home.
i cant actually afford to feed and intoxicate the amount of people that will inevitably show up at my house throughout the course of the day and night. the reason i say the backyard hang out i am hosting is a BYO-everything situation is because i cant afford your ass. so either i feel cheap for not supplying enough shit, stressed out from preparing what i do supply or im the dick that has a backyard in the city and doesnt let anyone hang out in it. luckily for me, this lease is almost up. my worries of feeling like a terrible stressed out host are almost through. so get it in while you still can kids, because backyard access and my annoyance are almost over.