Hater Rant

Tell me how you really feel.

sriracha. i hate it.

with 12 comments

the most overrated condiment of all time has to be sriracha.  i’m pretty sure it didn’t get the nickname “cock sauce” because of the rooster on the bottle, but because it tastes like dick.

as someone that loves spicy foods and a good hot sauce in general i’m fed up with the obsessive overuse of sriracha.  it is not the answer to all your spice needs people!

why is this automatically brought to you at restaurants when you ask for hot sauce? i want some cholula with my breakfast potatoes!  texas petes to kick up my wings!  crystals in my bloody mary!  melinda’s when i want my whole face to be burning in delicious delight! some chili oil to make my fried rice sing?  well yes, i would love some! hell, ill take some tapatio on everything!  there is a whole world of hot sauce out there that people’s taste buds are missing out on because of this infatuation with sriracha. where did this obsession start and how the hell do i get rid of it in order to enjoy my dining experiences?

now i know what your saying.  ”whats the big deal?  its in a separate container.  no one is requiring you to use it!”  the big deal is that its everywhere.  i mean, there are cookbooks and blogs that help people put sriracha in the many foods i would normally love. and honestly, all of these recipes i’ve found look great… if they would just drop the sriracha and use a proper hot sauce.

now this devil sauce is making its way out of the bottle and onto my unwilling plate. wings have been ruined time and time again with attempts to make them fancy with a sriracha sauce. just because you tossed it into your hellman’s doesn’t mean you made a sriracha aioli. if i see one more pizza with sriracha as the main sauce component i’m going to scream!  you can’t even taste all the other delicious ingredients when this spicy, peppery garbage comes into play.  additionally, when did restaurants decide everyone loves sriracha and start adding it to their ketchup?  its not homemade so dont act offended when i ask for some normal ketchup. you didn’t  slave away in a hot kitchen over it.  blending two red sauces together does not a gourmet experience make.  if i wanted sriracha ketchup i could use my culinary prowess to mix two things together too.

i suppose i really hate sriracha mostly because of the LEVEL of infatuation with it.  if there was a yelp thread, cookbook, blogs, cartoon on the oatmeal or art shows devoted to talking about any other hot sauce my hatred would dissipate.  until then, i’ll fight the good fight for all the delicious hot sauces in the world.

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Written by big gulp o haterade

March 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Posted in Poor Taste

12 Responses

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  1. I want to make out with the Tapatio guy.

    Nicole

    March 21, 2011 at 3:44 pm

  2. great post! you should have your own column in the city paper or philadelphia weekly. lets make this a mission!

    jay mccarroll

    March 23, 2011 at 10:04 am

    • aw, thanks jay!

      big gulp o haterade

      March 23, 2011 at 11:43 am

  3. the opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect those of haterrant, its contributors, or my sriracha-loving ass.

    haterrant

    May 2, 2011 at 5:41 pm

  4. you don’t have what it takes to make it.

    joe

    June 28, 2011 at 3:13 pm

  5. sorry i couldn’t hear your rant over the sound of me eating sriracha

    beth

    September 15, 2011 at 1:29 pm

  6. Sriracha is great because it’s a hot sauce with flavour, Very good stuff.

    Dauss

    December 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm

  7. I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m so sick of seeing this dreck on the tables everywhere, esp. at non-Asian food places (e.g., taquerias). I guess I get people putting it on their Thai food, but if I’m getting an enchilada or a po’ boy or a burger or whatever, I don’t want to even see this nauseating crap on my table. It tastes like the aftertaste you have after you vomit. Like you, I love hot, spicy food, but this is the nasty-ass stepchild of all hot sauces.

    Jimmy Carl Black

    September 20, 2012 at 10:00 am

  8. You’re wrong. Sriracha is why the sun rises every morning. Don’t get me wrong, I will go to town on some Crystal or Tapatio, but Sriracha is what God puts on his nachos.

    Mel

    November 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm

  9. you are young to the Sriracha, i say. the Hipster Generation is too. this is an age old thing, dating back 10,000 years or maybe more! i first encountered it about 5,000 years ago in 1991 at a Vietnamese Sandwich Shop. while my people of those olden days may be thought of the inspiration of the Hipster People, we only ate what they served up at the sandwich shop – and if you don’t like it, don’t order it! i don’t like mayonnaise and i don’t order that on anything.

    c daltry

    February 16, 2013 at 12:18 am

  10. You’re wrong.

    bob

    April 30, 2013 at 3:40 pm

  11. I don’t mind rooster vomit as long as it’s in a bottle on rack somewhere I can ignore its existence. Lately though, this nasty, vile, flavorless crap had been finding its way into everything whether I want it there or not. It is particularly ruinous to sushi, and there’s been a murderous effort to drown every roll made in this foul red slag. No thank you, sir!

    …by the way, if you can’t eat sushi without first drowning it in rooster vomit, you don’t actually like sushi. Go get and egg roll or something and quit trying to impress your otaku friends.

    Celano

    January 18, 2016 at 11:58 pm


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