Hater Rant

Tell me how you really feel.

Archive for March 2011

I Hate Springtime

with 10 comments

I hate the Spring. I also hate how people in the northeast have crazy seasonal amnesia but thats a post for another day.

This is how spring usually goes: We get a couple of unseasonably warm days towards the end of winter and people think winter is over. This usually happens towards the end of February or early March. Spring doesn’t even officially start till late March so this is just stupid to begin with. Then comes the rain. Weeks and weeks of rain. And people are like “when is spring gonna get here?” Newsflash! This is spring. Its crappy every year. Its cold and cloudy and drizzly and sometimes it snows. Sure, in some places spring is delightful. The weather is temperate and breezy, the sun shines and the world bursts into bloom and the beauty of the bounty of nature brings a tear to your dumb, sentimental eyes. But if you’ve been in this region for more than a year, you should know better.

So eff the spring. I hate rain because it makes people use umbrellas. I hate cloudy days because they make me drowsy and moody and give me headaches. But most of all i hate listening to you complain about the weather as if you are so surprised that it’s crappy.

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Written by haterrant

March 31, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

What Time is It?

with 2 comments

What Time Is It? 4:30. It’s not late, naw, naw, it’s just early.

Clocks without numbers are just as stupid as the entire career of The Spin Doctors.

Hey ma'am, what's the time? I dunno, but whatever it was, I probably did it.

Hey dude, do you know what time it is? Nah, but I gotta go cause Storm's picking me up in her jet and we're gonna go kill Magneto

Hey lady, do you have the time? Leave me alone, I'm watching a Brady Bunch marathon on Nick at Nite

Hey elephant man, what time is it? I dunno, but can you kill that fly on my back? I can't reach it.

Written by tracyhater

March 24, 2011 at 12:58 am

Posted in Design

sriracha. i hate it.

with 12 comments

the most overrated condiment of all time has to be sriracha.  i’m pretty sure it didn’t get the nickname “cock sauce” because of the rooster on the bottle, but because it tastes like dick.

as someone that loves spicy foods and a good hot sauce in general i’m fed up with the obsessive overuse of sriracha.  it is not the answer to all your spice needs people!

why is this automatically brought to you at restaurants when you ask for hot sauce? i want some cholula with my breakfast potatoes!  texas petes to kick up my wings!  crystals in my bloody mary!  melinda’s when i want my whole face to be burning in delicious delight! some chili oil to make my fried rice sing?  well yes, i would love some! hell, ill take some tapatio on everything!  there is a whole world of hot sauce out there that people’s taste buds are missing out on because of this infatuation with sriracha. where did this obsession start and how the hell do i get rid of it in order to enjoy my dining experiences?

now i know what your saying.  ”whats the big deal?  its in a separate container.  no one is requiring you to use it!”  the big deal is that its everywhere.  i mean, there are cookbooks and blogs that help people put sriracha in the many foods i would normally love. and honestly, all of these recipes i’ve found look great… if they would just drop the sriracha and use a proper hot sauce.

now this devil sauce is making its way out of the bottle and onto my unwilling plate. wings have been ruined time and time again with attempts to make them fancy with a sriracha sauce. just because you tossed it into your hellman’s doesn’t mean you made a sriracha aioli. if i see one more pizza with sriracha as the main sauce component i’m going to scream!  you can’t even taste all the other delicious ingredients when this spicy, peppery garbage comes into play.  additionally, when did restaurants decide everyone loves sriracha and start adding it to their ketchup?  its not homemade so dont act offended when i ask for some normal ketchup. you didn’t  slave away in a hot kitchen over it.  blending two red sauces together does not a gourmet experience make.  if i wanted sriracha ketchup i could use my culinary prowess to mix two things together too.

i suppose i really hate sriracha mostly because of the LEVEL of infatuation with it.  if there was a yelp thread, cookbook, blogs, cartoon on the oatmeal or art shows devoted to talking about any other hot sauce my hatred would dissipate.  until then, i’ll fight the good fight for all the delicious hot sauces in the world.

Written by big gulp o haterade

March 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Posted in Poor Taste

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