Hater Rant

Tell me how you really feel.

New Years Eve and other things you know aren’t going to end well

with 3 comments

New Years Eve, you get me every year.

Heres how you think it’s going to go: You get all dressed up, cooridinate wtih friends and go to some swanky party with an open bar or at least a champagne toast. You’ll dance the night away in your fancy dress and ring in the new year with real gusto. You’ll pile into a cab and maybe hang out together for a while longer, snacking and drinking and chatting and laughing till the sun comes up like an effing Bailey’s commercial. Cute.

Heres what actually happens: You get dressed up and realize that its minus a billion degrees outside with snow and ice on the ground and suddenly your mini dress and platform heels feel more like a death shroud than a cute little outfit. You grab your friends and go to the fancy party but, guess what, its the WRONG fancy party. Philly being the tiny city that it is, and with thousands of parties happening, you happened to choose one that has like 12 people in attendance. You already payed an exorbitant cover so you’re not leaving. And you missed the one hour open bar. Determined to salvage the night, you throw back too many shots of Jim Beam which leads to more problems with those platform heels. The rest of the night is a blur at best. You wake up broke and unhappy more like a PSA about alcoholism. Lame.

I hate New Years Eve because i always  go into it thinking it’s going to be this awesome night just off the merit that it’s New Years Eve. But that doesnt mean anything except that all sense of moderation is thrown to the wind in an effort to celebrate to the max and all i’m really guaranteed is my most wicked hangover of the year and regret. The same thing happens on Halloween, but in stupid costumes. The other thing that gets you is that you have to be having fun by midnight, so instead of showing up at a party at 11:30 like you normally would, you’re out and drinking by like 10:00 which leads to more hangover and more regret. I know this and yet i cant just stay home because what if it turns out to really be an awesome night? What will i tell my grandkids when they ask where i was on the epic New Years Eve of 2011? That i stayed home with my cat and watched back episodes of “Obsessed” on demand? A quandry indeed.

New Years Eve blows.



Written by haterrant

December 28, 2010 at 11:25 am

Posted in Holidays

Tagged with ,

3 Responses

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  1. Also the pressure to be somewhere cool at midnight is really too much. One year we had to interrupt a rousing game of Apples to Apples to run to the park to see fireworks. When we got there I leaned on a pole and got red shit all over my white jacket (my fault, I know, but I am still bitter). At least we live in Philly, where a stranger will gladly fill your cup with cheap champagne on the street when you run out.


    December 28, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    • the fireworks idea is pretty ridiculous. I mean, it’s January. It’s freezing here. Who wants to stand outside?


      December 29, 2010 at 1:00 pm

      • Honestly! I am such a hater that I don’t even like them on the 4th. Either you can’t see them, or you are in a crowd of asshats and asshat children.


        December 29, 2010 at 1:23 pm

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